the realistic college au meme

[satirically]

the realistic college au meme
comment with your character's name and canon in the subject header. use rng or pick one of the options below for your au scenario. tag around!

1. living conditions
a. my roommate’s boyfriend is staying over so can I please sleep on your floor
b. all our friends are drunk
c. we live in halls opposite one another and i keep seeing you change in the window please close your blinds
d. you’re the RA and you’re trying to bust me for having hermit crabs
e. you’re baking cookies in the communal kitchen at 3am and I’m angry but also really hungry
f. clearly we’re both really uncomfortable at this party
g. you peed on my car. you were drunk. I was in the car. there will be hell to pay.
h. my friend dragged me to this party and I just saw my ex quick make out with me
i. sorry my roommate puked on your shoes
j. my roommate borrowed your contraband hotpot and managed to set it on fire

2. chance meeting
a. it’s pouring and my final paper is in my backpack so I guess we’re stuck under this tiny awning together. do you think they’d deliver pizza here
b. waiting outside for pizza to be delivered but both of ours is super late
c. I know I keep coming to this [cookie/coffee/etc.] shop and for some reason it’s always your shift but don’t you dare judge me I need this for my sanity
d. I found your USB drive still in the computer (and potentially regret finding out what's on it)
e. you decked me in the head while you were playing frisbee golf
f. your school mailbox is right next to mine
g. what do you mean we’re under a tornado warning?

3. campus community
a. I’m really passionate about this cause and I will give you this flier if I have to shove it down your throat
b. it’s 3 am and I’m still in the library studying for finals and I’m losing my grip on reality and I think I just saw a ghost
c. we’re the only two people in this club. what is this club even for
d. humans vs zombies, all bets are off, friendships mean nothing
e. I thought I was the only one who liked the waffle station in the cafeteria
f. we’re studying in the library and there are two people very obviously fucking in the stacks and we keep sharing embarrassed glances
g. what are you doing at this table at the career fair
h. I saw you sneaking captain crunch and cutlery out of the dining hall
i. my computer crashed and you’re the student worker at the IT center
j. we’re both on athletic teams that aren’t as cool as the football team and they give us shit
k. you’re part of the guerrilla theater club on campus and crashed my class for a performance

4. credit hour woes
a. hey I have to [photograph/draw blood/film/insert major here] someone for class, will you be my guinea pig
b. we’re the only people who ever talk in discussions it’s awful
c. group project
d. both of us turned up to the wrong room for this lecture and neither of us know where it's supposed to be
e. we’re both donating blood in the blood donation van in the quad to get out of the same class
f. wait, I actually have a competent lab partner?
g. waiting for office hours
h. we started racing up the three flights of stairs to class for some reason and we can’t stop
i. vicious battle over the only left handed desk in the room

5. limited resources
a. you keep using my preferred shower stall in the floor bathrooms when I’m trying to get ready for class
b. you keep parking in the space outside my student house you absolute asshole
c. you're the only person in the room when i break the printer and i'm panicking (so don't be a dick about it please)
d. neither of us bought the expensive textbook but there is only one copy in the library and it can’t leave the building
e. this awesome professor only has one TA slot and we’re rivals
f. you keep reserving the good study room in the corner of the library with the windows
g. I’ve been sitting in this seat all semester why did you decide to sit in it today
h. you’re REALLY GOOD at using the right search terms for the academic databases and I’m on a deadline
i. we’re always at the fitness center at the same time and end up competing on the treadmill
j. can I borrow a dryer sheet? I ran out and the ones in the vending machine give me a rash

original meme by kinetic

Comments

[laide]

R can toast to that, raising her glass before downing the second.

"Good thing I just want to get drunk and not enjoy my drink today." Like most days. Every day. Enjoyment was a pleasure that was slowly disappearing. She walked into the kitchen to raid her fridge, which was pathetically empty except for Cosette's fruits, vegetables, half-empty bottles of condiments, and soy milk.

"You live with a fucking rabbit," Rachelle reminded her, closing the fridge with a sigh and grabbing a celery stick and biting into it with a crunch. This was more disappointing than the tequila, she decided. But she hadn't eaten yet today.

[epiny]

"Her dad does her grocery shopping," she said, rolling her eyes again. She hated seeing that old man around. Sure, he was kinda hot, but he'd still ruined her family's life. And he spoke to her like nothing had happened. What an asshole.

Eponine joins her in the kitchen area, pouring them round three of shitty tequila.

"But I have her Seamless password." So that meant they could order whatever the hell they wanted and her daddy would pay for it. Never mind that Cosette had purposefully left out the password written down so that Eponine could order takeout.

[laide]

Rachelle brightens up immediately at the mention of getting booze and dinner for free tonight. This was looking promising.

"Pizza or Chinese?" she asked, cheerfully taking the shot into her hand. She didn't drink it right away, waiting for Eponine to drink hers with her.

[epiny]

"Whatever you want, R," she says with a raise of her shot glass. This will be the third shot for the girls' and Eponine's looking forward to at least three more.

"Just start ordering."

[laide]

R raised hers and downed it. "Chinese it is. Maybe you'll answer the door with a shirt on this time," she winked, grabbing a menu from the cutesy little metal rack Cosette had clearly organized. The one with the panda on it seemed to be a safe bet.

As she dialed into her phone, glancing over the menu, "Egg rolls, those crab things... want some lo mein? Also give over that password. If it's any variation on Pontmercy I am going to keel over laughing at your expense."

[epiny]

"Do you want me to keep my shirt on that long?" The answer was probably no. Whoops.

"Hell yeah- get some of that Kung Pao Chicken- and General Tso's. Hell, just get whatever, it'll only get better tomorrow."

The mention of the password and Eponine nearly choked. "I hate you. I hate you so much. That's it; shirt is staying on until the food gets here. It's 'MP+CF', not even kidding you. She's fucking disgusting." She rolled her eyes and started pouring another shot. "How does she not get that? And how- Ugh, fuck her. She's a life ruiner, vicious cunt." Eponine got particularly vulgar when drunk.

Oh, yes, she was well drunk now.

[laide]

Rachelle snorted as she entered the password, also getting pushed into the not-sober area and losing her ability to give a shit-- or filter much of anything that came out of her mouth-- quickly. Her whole body was shaking with laughter when it worked.

"Seriously, do we have anything besides Dos Shitty over there to drink, E.T.?"

Putting the phone down once she'd finished placing the order. "T minus 30 minutes to get you out of a shirt, if the estimate is right."

[epiny]

"I fucking hate that nickname and you know it." she says looking pointedly. "do something clever. even the people at STARBUCKS came up with a better nickname." this is how she became Epiny.

"there's a liquor store near that delivers," she features to the computer again. "let's get something top shelf and maybe it'll take me less than 30 minutes to get my shirt off."

[laide]

R stops laughing, having just discovered a miracle that could almost make her a believer. It doesn't, but-- a liquor store that delivers. Come on. That's fucking exciting.

"Is that also connected to the lark's bank account?"

[epiny]

"You know the password," she says with a grin, leaning back in her chair. Already, she was toeing off her socks.

"Let's order something dangerous." It wasn't a night with R if one of them didn't come dangerously close to alcohol poisoning.

[laide]

She chews on that for a moment, her tongue rubbing against her teeth while she thinks.

"151?" she offers, with a shrug. Can't go wrong with that, right? Except it completely can. "Absinthe is disappointing and tastes awful. I forget was that with you?"

[epiny]

"Hell. Yeah. No, that wasn't me- I think it was Courf? She's the type to bring that out." Abstinthe never really interested Eponine. If she wanted to hallucinate, she didn't need to drink something licorice flavor.