kernow | ➳ i am a ghost, just a mirage

[ Grantaire is zoned out in his own troubles too much to focus much on the larger issues being addressed. He hardly acknowledges the end of the meeting until the blond man is heading right toward him. Shit what was he going to— ]

Yeah. Co-Michel mentioned... something. [ He looks down, suddenly feeling small despite being the target of his beeline. ] ...I didn’t know how to respond to your texts.

[Enjolras hears the 'co' and does a doubletake.] What did you say...?

[Right. The texts. Enjolras doesn't know whether to feel hurt or annoyed that his efforts to reach out and salvage this...or that it took the meddling of his friend to make a difference to Remi.]

Why didn't you come to the last meeting? I...I wanted to explain.

[ He smiles sadly at Enjolras, and his eyes have a new shade of darkness beneath them and he feels a small shiver run down his lumbar spine. ]

Didn’t feel well. I was in no state for human interaction like that. Did I miss much?

[The gaze feels so cold compared to the cafe mere weeks prior. Unwilling to lose what he’s barely had in the first place, Enjolras doubles down on his line of inquiry, eyes concerned yet all too typically intense in their focus. He will not lose this.]

Are you okay? And no, not much. But please, can we talk about...about breakfast? I didn’t intend to run out on you like that. It was— [How to even explain this to this man? How do you describe another lifetime remembered, cut short by an unfinished revolution, to one who’s only ever lived the one he has this moment? Enjolras prays his expression is sincere enough when he tries the excuse he’s mulled over all week—] a medical emergency.

[ Immediately, R straightens up his back and forgets how exhausted and poorly he feels. ]

Emergency? Are you okay..? It happened so fast I don’t... remember exactly... [ He clears his throat. That was a lie, but a nicety in light of this new information. ]

What happened?

[Ah. Of course he’d want more explanation than “medical emergency.” Enjolras stiffens reflexively.]

Extreme heart palpitations, as far as they can tell. Doctors haven’t been able to root out why or how permanent it is. I was just told to check in when they occur and get reexamined as a precaution until they can give a full diagnosis.

[While the lie is invented originally by Combeferre at his urging, Enjolras delivers it poorly. Writ large Enjolras is a poor liar, despite how frequently he lies to his parents; he’s simply too easy a tell for the stories he provides without genuine conviction.]

Oh. Anxiety maybe?

[ He offers helpfully. Is it helpful? He’s trying. R gets up and flexes his hand, remembering the burning ache it held when it touched Enjolras’. Looking up from E’s collar to his face, the man gathers his courage and reaches up slightly to put his arms around Alexandre’s neck. He speaks into the slightly tobacco smelling jacket of Enjolras, feeling the tension in his own chest release and the sensation makes his eyes ache.

Grantaire squeezes him tightly. ]

I... I’m sorry. Really sorry.

[The sigh Enjolras emits is heavy, and doesn’t make him any more comfortable with the lie he’s just peddled. They didn’t ultimately talk about this, Combeferre, Courfeyrac, and he; how do you start a new life earnestly with another person when you’re constantly hiding memories of the life prior?]

Unclear; they’re still trying to work out if it’s psychosymptomatic or truly physical. [This is delivered a little more genuinely; childhood days filled with repeated tests, his parents hovering over not in support but pure judgement llends itself well to the exchange.]

I’m...I’m sorry too. I did mean what I said at the cafe though. If you want to...you know. Give this a shot. Take it slow.

Yeah, I would too. As... as slow as I can manage? [ He pulls back and kisses him with a feeling of almost-crying. (R needed sleep.) Then with a smile he laughs quickly and quietly as he pulls back and holds his hands on Enjolras. ]

I thought- I thought it was something I did. I was a self-centered moron. Fuck.

[Enjolras can still feel flashes of The Man as Remi kisses him (a sardonic smirk at something Enjolras never meant to be funny; an argument along the Seine on the way back to the Corinthe; standing in a dark alley, waiting tensely for a kiss that never comes—no, not him, focus on what’s before you now, no more ghosts). There’s a pleasant hmm in his throat as he leans into the kiss, touching the nape of Remus neck where skin meets dark curls.

Remi’s hands are not as calloused as the memory, though it is still clear he works with them more regularly than Enjolras; as they break apart, Enjolras rubs small circles into his wrist, enjoying the pulse of a man alive]

No, no you were fine. [It’s a small lie, but a necessary one. Enjolras still doesn’t know how or why Remi in particular is triggering these memories, but blaming him for a prior life’s traumas hardly seems fair.] I just left you without a good explanation. I’d like to try again, if you’re open to it. Take you out properly.

[ Grantaire hums pleasantly as his wrist is massaged. The little goose pimples that rise remind him just how long those 10 (11?) lonely nights were, after the wonderful night they had. He had. With Enjolras. Gods above— ]

Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like to take you somewhere. You paid for the last one, after all. But uh, I have to ask if I’m keeping you from something now. ...I feel bad enough that I ruined the end of your meeting.

[ He looks around and realized they were blissfully given privacy after some snickers from the last few members exiting the room. ]

I just. [ A light bit of much needed color rises to his cheeks. R blinks rapidly as a memory rises to the forefront of an angelic, triumphant smile hoisting a bayonet as he looks back to his Enjolras’ soft and troubled eyes. ] I missed you, Apollo. Do you wanna go talk somewhere?

[Enjolras ignores the snickers (which included an excited look from Jehan to a quirked eyebrow from Combeferre,) completely glued to Remi and his smile.]

Okay sure, I'd like that. And you're not, we got everything done we needed to tonight so it works out just fine. I can do the follow-up with Michel and Thomas on Tuesday anyway.

[Enjolras' lips quirk into a confused smile as he quirks an eyebrow.] "Apollo"...?

[ Grantaire laughs awkwardly, pulling his hand away to wring his own neck for a moments pause. ]

I was researching Greek myths for a paper. You gotta see the image of Apollo from one of the illustrated encyclopedias I checked out— Its weirdly spot on. Same, uh, scowl and all.

[ He laughs more genuinely this time, hoisting his bag back into his shoulder where it had slipped. ] Maybe not right now, for you, but. You know. Usually. Resting scowl face? Your thing. It’s a thing now.

[The explanation sounds like a farce, even to Enjolras, but he tries to give Remi the out where he can...though the comparison to a literal greek god makes him turn a little pink in the cheeks.] You'll uh. have to show me that some time.

[He leans in closer and snakes his arm around his waist, Remi's continued laugh making him hyperfixate on his lips.] Interesting. Am I scowling now?

[ The laughter peters out as the hand goes to R’s waist. ]

No, I did mention it was missing— but. I can fix that. Or not. Depends how the night goes, I guess.

[ He closes the gap, putting two fingers through one of Apollo’s belt loop and speaks a couple centimeters from Alexandre’s lips. ] If I trigger your palpitations please don’t leave this time?

[Enjolras freezes at Remi's question; he can't promise that, and he knows it.] I'll try my best. I'm not trying to disappear on you, I swear.

[Enjolras fills the remainder of the space and capture Remi's lips with his own. As if promised, memories of The Man return (Enjolras offering the man a mission, putting his faith in a man he knows is riddled with cynicism and drink; watching from afar as said cynic cradles the body of a small child, openly weeping) but he just grips Remi harder, trying to ride out the repeated shocks to his consciousness.]

[ Rémi kisses him back, conflating the ache of his chest and the burning of Enjolras’ lips on his. As before, he kisses him until the memories ebb, willing the current sparks to override the crueler memories. Rémi put the other hand to the nape of E’s neck, his thumb pressing his sideburn with a rub as he smiles into the kisses. ]

All we can do is try, yeah? [ He replies warmly on a break for air, feeling like the room was spinning and holding tighter to Enjolras in reply, kissing his temple tenderly. ]

[Enjolras hums his concurrence, pursuing Remi's lips so forcefully he backs up against the table he'd been sitting at just moments prior. The sudden screech brings him back to the reality of the moment; they've been furiously making out in a now empty classroom like some sort of unbridled teenager.

Enjolras just takes a moment to stare at Remi, at those kiss bruised lips and hazel eyes, before backing away slowly, towards the door. Without breaking eye contact, he blindly reaches back towards the room's sole exit until he can feel the cold metal of the door's lock. He quirks an eyebrow, a wordless request for consent, before flipping and locking it.]

[ Grantaire watches without breathing, the hair on the back of his neck stands as that eyebrow lifts. R’s Adam’s apple bobs as he hears the door lock and he parts his lips to breathe and nod a reply. ]

Please... [ The brunette man’s eyes blink rapidly as he breaks eye contact to hoist himself onto the desk and take off his jacket; there’s an echoing clack as his bag falls to the floor with it. ]

[Slowly, Enjolras makes his way back across the room to the desk Remi is now perched upon, shuffling off his jacket to rest upon a random chair; once closer he seamlessly fits himself between his thighs, snaking his hand along the tops of his jeans to enjoy the friction of the fabric and the shudder he hopes to elicit.

This. This they can do right.

Enjolras leans back in, capturing Remi's lower lip with a small nip then slides almost seamlessly back into kissing him with renewed fervor. In so many ways, Enjolras kisses as he debates: focused, impassioned, deliberate, as if his end objective was to not just to overpower but take his opponent apart at the seams and remake into Enjolras' ideal.]

[ R’s hands grab at Enjolras’ shirt, pulling the fabric toward him as he clamps the man’s slender hips between his thighs where he fit himself so nicely. There is a moan into Enjolras’ paler lips as a renewed shiver indeed washes over Grantaire at the moment the blond had hoped.

Avoid the hands- if R could keep his hands off of Enjolras’ he could stay right here with him. Here. Here with his lips on his, E’s hands on his waistband, R’s hands fidgeting with the button down while gently clawing at the stiff muscles of Enjolras’ abdomen as he revealed them beneath the opening fabric. Grantaire sucks on the tongue as it enters his mouth forcefully, demandingly. He smiles, willingly letting the blond man shape him as he would like. Right now, Enjolras, his seams were ripping open for you. ]

[Enjolras shivers as he feels Remi trace the outlines of his stomach, now exposed to the simultaneously too warm and too cool room. A hunger of sorts coiling in his abdomen, he snakes his hand into Remi's dark curls, pulling him further in as he tries to claim, taste, everything in his mouth. His free hand toys with the band of Remi's pants at first, then starts to tug at it with increasing impatience. Finally, he breaks their mouths apart, their teeth almost clacking with his restlessness, and scowls down at Grantaire's jeans.]

Why is your clothing being impossible today..??

[ R chuckles and hums with excitement and fondness as he helps Enjolras’ hands to undo his buckle and unfix the button on his jeans. ]

I thought you liked a challenge, sir. [ He leans in and breathes it into his ear with a smirk, nipping Alexandre’s lobe gently after he kisses it. Grantaire in turn peels back Enjolras’ shirt, popping one of the buttons he’d missed. Oops.

R stifles a loud snigger and kisses at Enjolras’ neck hungrily to apologize. ]

[The scowl Enjolras gives him is petulant at best, his already arousal-prompted flush darkening..]

Very funny, now get over here.

[Curling his fingers along the base of Remi's neck, Enjolras arches his own to the side to allow the brunette greater access. The moan he emits is sinful at its height, drawn-out and almost too loud for the still somewhat public place. Another memory flashes as he closes his eyes to soak in the pleasure of it; those accursed wine-soaked lips, extolling his virtues and resemblance to every beautiful icon of the classics, a voice distant yet familiar in some way--]

R...

Mmhmm?

[ Grantaire keeps up the worshipping kisses and bites, leaving an artwork of gently laid marks that will be gone by the morning but are for R to admire for the evening. He kisses E’s exposed collarbone and runs his hands down to his hips and lower, slowly lower as his kisses move down in sync, R craning his neck to reach his flawless chest and nip at it.

With a smile and one more lingering kiss to his neck again, he carefully pulls his face back to look at the face that provides the sinful noises R is extracting. The hands on Enjolras’ thighs press a little and he leans into his lips and hovers. R breathes shakily despite his smug, calm demeanor. ]

Can I help you, President?

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seditiously - 2020-01-29 00:19 (UTC) - Expand

➳ i am a ghost, just a mirage

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ask and ye shall receive

hot diggity dog

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oof. ooooof.

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